Why, why, why???

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries  are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they
know there Is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks
when you
Throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the
bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?


Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine
it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your
first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle
with a
shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say,
"It's all right?"

Well…
It isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you
stupid idiot?"



Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else
over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was
in summer
when we complained about the heat?
 
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVOURITE....


The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think
of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's
you.

Governmentium

A major research institution has announced the discovery

of the heaviest element yet known to science - "governmentium."

It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and

111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These

312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are

further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons.

Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be

detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into

contact with. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction

that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it take days.

Governmentium has a normal half life of three years. It doesn't

decay but "re-organizes", a process where assistant deputy

neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process

actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become

neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some

speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons

meet in concentration forming critical morass. Researches believe that in

Governmentium, the more you re-organize, the morass you cover.