Are They Male Or Female?

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but
you can always see right through them.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while
to warm up.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over
inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere
you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's
the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and
retain water.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick
people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to
the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last
5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female! Ha! You thought we'd say male. But
consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it,
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push,
he keeps trying.

Insanity

 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer
At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They
Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once
Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,Switch
To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write
"For Sexual Favors."

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance
With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically
After They Answer..

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And play Tropical
Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't 
Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling  name,
Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards 
The Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The
 Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go...

Things to drive McD's employees crazy.

1. Ask if they want fries with the money
2. Order an item from another place (i.e. the 8pc. original bucket)
3. Ask for extra meat
4. Order a Big Mac in a Crispy Chicken box (or something similar)
5. Order an apple pie box
6. Order a sundae without the container
7. Ask them to make sure the cow is dead this time
8. Ask for change for a penny; when they say they can't, ask if they really want your business or not
9. Say no when they ask if they can take your order
10. Ask if you can talk to Ronald
11. Repeat everything they say
12. When they repeat the order, say that's not right, then repeat it exactly as they did
13. Ask how much the sign outside cost
14. Tell them Ray Kroc is outside
15. If they say that he's dead, respond "Not anymore!"
16. Recite Hamlet's entire soliloquy, adding "cheeseburger" at various places
17. Specify the order is to go
18. Order a roll of toilet paper
19. Order a Big Mac without the Mac
20. Ask if they have Small Mac's because you're not very hungry
21. Question them as to how to say "French Fries" in Italian
22. Hand them your garbage sack, and ask if they can recycle it
23. Ask for 45 mints and 1 French Fry, no salt
24. Order a box of napkins
25. Ask what kind of ketchup they use, then order 40 of the little paper containers for it
26. Order a semicolon
27. Try to work the words "downloading" and "FTP" into the conversation
28. Tell them you came to "get a few"
29. Order a value meal one higher than what they have, or maybe just .. "Yeah, I'll take a #27, super-sized" (then ... "Well you had it YESTERDAY!)
30. Ask if they take American Express
31. Order the source code to a cheeseburger
32. Make modem-like noises
33. Ask for a Quarter Pounder.com with a large side order of fries.net
34. Refer to ordering as "uploading".
35. Ask if this is really McDonald's, or just another JFK cover-up
36. Say "Testing, testing 1 2 3 ..."
37. Drive in backwards
38. If the restaurant has two windows, ask where the third is
39. Say, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number." Then pull away normally.
40. Make sure they know that you want "pepperoni and extra cheese" on that
41. Recite your order in poem form
42. ... and begin it with "A poem - by Henry Gibson"
43. Use large words, such as "condiments" and "intermingled." For example, "Please do not intermingle the condiments on the quarter pound of beef that is going to be specially made for my possession."
44. Ask if its the party to whom you are speaking.
45. If they sound irritated or are laughing, tell them "please treat the order box with respect"
46. Ask for a cheeseburger with a view.
47. Repeat everything they say.
47.5 Repeat everything they say.
48. Ask if they can give you the fries without putting them through "that horrible torture of cooking."
49. Scream "Call 911!" and speed away variation: scream "Call 912!" and speed away
50. Say your favorite lines from movies. i.e., I canna do it Captain! She's gonna blow!, Show me the MONEY!, or Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?.... Fries? I don't need no stinking fries!
51. Read the entire contents of this list, preferrably in the HTML source code, and pronouncing words like "period" and "close quotation mark" >

Funny links

Click on the crazy symbol link below and then type in your first name...
<http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html>

Computer programmer or serial killer?

http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/



Jesus Dress up

http://www.jesusdressup.com/



Zero Sex Life

http://www.zerosexlife.com/